We met with Anissa Vermeil de Conchard, 41, coach, consultant and trainer in management and communication. We asked her some questions to find out how IFS training has impacted her professional practice and her personal life.
Why did you become a professional coach and IFS practitioner?
«Previously, I worked for SSII [N.D.R* Société de Service en Ingénierie Informatique] as an IT project manager. I've always been passionate about human relations. I firmly believed that happy employees are more productive.
5 years ago, I decided to devote myself fully to coaching by professionalising myself, a mission I was already implicitly fulfilling within my company.
How did you come to join Dr François Le Doze's training program? How did you hear about it?
The link between my coaching activities and the IFS model came through Non Violent Communication (NVC), which I discovered in 2002. NVC had radically changed my approach to human relations. These two approaches are truly complementary. In the world of NVC, the IFS model is highly reputed.
And then the trigger that made me lean towards the IFS model was a demonstration that a colleague who was training in the model gave me 3 years ago. Using objects on the table (lighter, pen), he gave me a session drawing parallels between the objects and my "shares". It really made sense to me. So, in my next coaching session, I used objects to evoke my client's parts. It was one of the most powerful coaching sessions we'd ever had. It was at that moment that I said to myself, "I absolutely must train myself in this model".
How did you imagine the training courses before taking part?
I saw the IFS training courses as a way of deepening my self-knowledge and also as an approach I could use in my business, complementary to the tools I knew and used.
I wanted to become more professional, to know what I should do and especially what I shouldn't do. As a corporate coach, I didn't want to encroach on the therapeutic field, but I did want to know how to secure my approaches and manage my clients' moments of "overwhelm". I wanted to be sure that I was using the IFS approach in a way that was safe for me and my coachees.
What would you say was the most memorable moment of these training sessions?
At first glance, I wouldn't say there was one particular moment that stood out for me. I particularly enjoyed the exercises and role-playing. Even though I'd already worked on myself, the IFS enabled me to get to know myself even better.
If I have to choose a moment, I'd say it was when, during an exercise supervised by an assistant, I was practising my role as a therapist. The «client» I was accompanying had contacted an exiled part [N.D.R wounded part containing painful emotions that had been isolated from Self-consciousness for the protection of the system or the safety of the parts]. At the time, I didn't yet know the protocol for healing an exiled part, called unloading, and the assistant took over without telling me. I was quite surprised, because I found it brutal. I felt like I'd been ejected. Looking back, this incident was a powerful learning moment. It enabled me to work on one of my exiled parts linked to a wound of rejection.
What were the most difficult/challenging moments of these training sessions?
I really liked the notion of "biological impoliteness" [N.D.R. clumsiness, verbal or non-verbal, done by one person without their being aware of it, which offends another person's nervous system by not being adjusted to their needs]. I was fascinated to see how our nervous system perceives relationships before we're even aware of them. It's called neuroception. I'm fascinated by all the studies on the Autonomic Nervous System and the links with IFS.
What was it like to take a leap of faith in yourself during the training sessions? What did you discover?
My biggest discovery? The Self [N.D.R essence of the person, characterized by natural qualities such as compassion, curiosity, confidence, the ability to give perspective in situations that seem blocked. The Self is the natural leader of the inner psychic system]. In other forms, I was familiar with this concept, but IFS brings a clear vision of the relationship between the Self and our parts.
I'd say that IFS has enabled me to discover a concept that I'd describe as spiritual, a connection from me to myself and from me to others. As a coach and trainer, this helps me a lot.
How do you distinguish the model used by Dr. François Ledoze from others you've encountered in the course of your career?
It's a fairly simple model, but that doesn't detract from its depth. I'd say it's both simple and complex, and each of the levels it sets in motion is powerful. I like to say that IFS is profoundly simple.
I'd like to see this model taught in schools. We should all have access to a better understanding of how we function and behave.
What has changed in your personal/professional life after the training courses?
You don't come out of training the way you go in. Since the training courses, I've been taking more time for myself. I've learned to welcome my parts with kindness - especially those I used to reject. I use the IFS concepts with my coaching clients, my training participants and also with those closest to me. It's particularly useful with my children, who are entering their teenage years.
How have these training courses enabled you to gain greater self-knowledge?
This training teaches us to understand how we function by discovering and welcoming our parts. This enables us to better accept who we are, and to heal our past wounds, which may be transgenerational. Working on the Self helps us to be more centered and develop empathy, important skills in our line of work.
Dr François Ledoze entitled his book on his experience of the IFS model: »La force de la confiance». Would you say these training courses have boosted your self-confidence?
Yes, without a doubt.
In his book, François Ledoze defines the Self as "the essence of the person, characterized by natural qualities such as compassion, curiosity, confidence, the ability to give perspective in situations that seem blocked. The Self is the natural leader of the inner psychic system." What is your definition of Self?
A state of being, an experience, a spiritual connection to oneself and to others.
This is a long-term training program, as you are still supervised by Dr. François Ledoze. Can you tell us a little more about this supervision?
I was supervised for a year by François Ledoze. Today, I am individually supervised by a colleague trained by Richard Schwartz. I'm also part of a peer-to-peer intervision group with people who took the training at the same time as me. I think it's important to have a supervised practice when we're working with this model, and I also appreciate the exchanges with colleagues as we mutually enrich each other's experiences.
These training courses are a collective human adventure. What links have you forged with the other participants?
During the training sessions, the bonds between us are very strong. Unfortunately, I regret not having kept in regular contact with the group. Maybe that's something that could be improved to create a community that can stay connected through adapted social networks, for example.»
*N.D.R : Notes Des Rédacteurs
About the contributor
Certified coach, Anissa Vermeil de Conchard go to specializes in individual coaching for managers, team-building and supporting organizations in implementing corporate strategy. In addition, for over 5 years she has been providing training & seminars on project management processes, with the aim of empowering managers to acquire a leadership posture.
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